I met up with a friend for lunch last week. A very dear friend, well, my ex-boyfriend actually.
We were incommunicado for over a year. Just couldn’t bring myself to talk to him. And then suddenly, about a month back, we got back in touch. (He’s married, not sure about the happily part though.)
As I waited for him outside a pre-decided restaurant, thankfully not one of our earlier haunts, I was plagued by lots of thoughts. Disturbing thoughts. How will I face him? What will we talk about? Should I ask about his wife? How much has he changed? How much have I changed?
He turned up 20 minutes late. Well, that’s a start. At least some things were still the same.
We went inside, we ordered, we exchanged pleasantries. ‘Yes, work’s fine. Keeps me busy.’ ‘You’ve put on weight.’ ‘No it’s ok. I can take a longer lunch-break.’
And all along, a part of me sat on the third chair, waiting. For the fireworks, the dry mouth, the sudden thumping inside, the racing heartbeat, a warm glow.
Nothing. Absolutely nothing.
It was heartbreaking to realise that the feelings I’d had for this person had just disappeared. Yes, I’m fond of him still. But all my love just vanished, like it never existed. Not a shred of my emotions existed. It was like they were just a figment of my imagination.
Slowly the realisation dawned. He’s a friend, just a friend. Just another friend.
Should I be relieved? Should I be disappointed? I don’t know. Tell me readers.
I am an Extroverted Lifelong Learning Tree Hugger
I took the 43 Things Personality Quiz and found out I'm an
Extroverted Lifelong Learning Tree Hugger
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7 comments:
I know exactly how important this event was for you. Glad you have moved on. And I'm really proud of you.
amiga
I don't think that's the way it is. sure, you and him have moved on... but this ambigous word - fond is very tricky. it's one I used to use when I used to flirt with girls in college (pardon me if I sound like a 30-year-old). But the fact that you still use that word says that there's something there. You shouldn't be releived. Nor dissapointed. I think you just stay confused. As confused as the word fond itself.
Proud of u gal!
You know that's like the best gift we can give ourselves...the act of moving on...embracing newer things (and people) in life...coz really...thr's lots(and lots n lots) of them out there!
radish..lol
i still feel u love him:)
Its never about moving on in life, it's about moving with life.
I'm glad you're feeling what you are, which of course is nothing :) Yeah, maybe a part of you will still love him ... in the same way you love me or another friend... but that's all there is to it now. And that's a good thing, trust me :)
hope you find a new love and you forget anything that was/is bitter...
Don't STICK to things SONALI....
Coz EVERYTING is IMPERMANENT....
LOVE EACH OTHER OR PERISH...
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